adventing

currently listening to: heartbeats, the knife

currently craving: a haircut

currently, currently: still up from last night

i am still awake, from the many cups of coffee and diet cokes i downed with my friend. i love kyle. trekking the streets of minneapolis, exploring the nooks and underrated cafes, and the occasional illegal escapade. tried some new food tonight, took a few pictures, watched some s&c, talked until 5:30am...best friend.

seriously, watch this video he made for us!!

best friend.

i know a lot of people say they are addicted to coffee, you always hear it and blahh, its not a big deal, but now i actually believe them. i get intense headaches everyday around 4 if i don't have at least one large cup. i get jittery and grumpy without it, and the weird part is - i LOVE that! my pee smells like coffee all the time, maybe tmi, but those of you that can relate, are smiling right now.

have you heard of artist anna verlet? she takes absolutely stunning landscape photographs, with a very soft, hazy, nostalgic feel. they really hit a sweet spot for me, and i get lost in whimsical fancies as my mind wanders to what i imagine myself doing in these magical settings. check some out here.

also, another thing i have been reflecting on is the word "advent." we are in a season of advent, preparing our hearts for christmas, or to put it another, better way, preparing our hearts for the coming of Jesus. i have never really considered this to be a season of preparing for anything other than preparing your house for company, helping my mother clean the kitchen after she bakes cookies, running here and there buying gifts for my many girl cousins, and at the last minute, reading the story from luke describing the journey from nazareth to judea, in bethlehem, where a young virgin gave birth to the Christ child. where should our hearts be in the days anticipating christmas day? giving? sure. remembering Jesus's birth? obviously. but i think what we should really be doing is cleaning up that place in our heart where Jesus resides, removing everything we have put in His place, re-throning the king of our hearts, honoring the sacrifice He made by putting on flesh to dwell with us.

measure your life in....love?

currently listening to: belated promise ring, iron & wine.

currently craving: being barefoot on a hot day.

currently, currently: debriefing.

as you can see, i gave up on blogging while living in new york. busy? yes. preoccupied with seeing each and every little tinsy thing i could? absolutely. forgot that i even made a blog? quite possibly. no excuses! VIVA LA BLOG

• one great thing about blogging, you get more room than a status update, you don't quite have the same fear of each person you know reading it, and you get to create for yourself a completely custom-made world, all by yourself. even now, i can use this one laptop to talk to any person in the world with internet access, provided they end up here. how divine.
• there are so many things i want to say, and the thing is, i just want to be heard. it doesn't necessarily matter to me who hears it, i just have this unquenchable desire to speak what is on my heart, and voila, the internet.
• my lip ring may have to come out. everyone gets on me about it, they ask me why i didn't do it sooner, they ask how does that not hurt, they get disgusted when i show them, i laugh internally and enjoy their faces. now, it hurts, and it will undoubtedly leave a gaping hole in my face. hooray!
• i can not seem to latch on to this whole college experience, and alas, i only have one semester left. i feel like i never got it just right; friends, classes, working, boys, health, sleeping, scheduling, volunteering. i feel.....off. the only cure i can seem to find, isn't a cure. i doubt there really is one. it seems to me that everyone else seems to have it right, while i go on about my day, with a semi-smile and a hope of finding my small second of solace though out my ordinary routine, that i attempt to make extra-ordinary. i desperately want to make the most of everything. touching the walls, breathing in the musty air, visiting every unexplored hallway and stairwell, finding new ways back to my room, wandering through the small patches of forest and seeing what tiny treasures i find. and yet...i can not wait to leave this whole joke of a lifestyle behind...way behind me. but will it fix anything?
• there is a baby upstairs. my little doll of a niece, screaming for the last 3 hours. how do parents do it. it is times like these where i am extremely happy i am not married and/or with child/with children. i love her with all of my heart---today i taught her to say "isss" which means, of course, kristi. kr'isss'ti. she even walked a few steps to me. its incredible how you can make a bond with such a tiny creature, who doesn't even know how much you are already planning on being a part of her future. already planning where i want to take her on her first roadtrip, after i rescue her from her first heartbreak. what types of happy songs we'll sing in that car ride. i love her, as well as the tiny embryo of a baby that is growing in her mommy's tummy.
• my heart...right now. i paused to think what it really feels, and i decided that for once, i do not think i know. hah, a blogger writing about love, cliche? necessary. i want to want, but i want to run away. i want to have, but can't possibly imagine keeping. i ache, and i ache to shake it off. someone pour me a fancy drink and listen to the soundtrack of rent with me, eh?
• seriously though, "measure in, love." how profound! in midnights, in sunsets, in cups of coffee, how do you measure a year in the life? i stopped to make a list today, a list measuring this year. how does one measure a year? i am being redundant, i apologize. but try it, what categories would you create? i have so many, and it is the only way i can seem to create any sort of a bond, a connection with each of those moments where i was just hurrying to get to the next moment. bonds. connections. i hurt with them. i cry for them. i live for them.

i can not sleep at night anymore. have you ever felt too tired to sleep? a strange concoction of emotions and lists, thoughts and silent prayers, hopes that are just ever so slightly out of my reach, and a curiosity of the unknown that i long to explore. someone, anywhere....sing me a lullaby?